character overload. :|

Why are there so many characters in this book?  Okay, Bilbo the Hobbit has the book named after him, and Gandolf is The Wizard, so clearly they're memorable, but there are thirteen other useless names I'm supposed to find familiar later in the story.  Is this some kind of British memory skillbuilder for little kids reading the book at home?  Whatever the hell it is, it's too many, and none of them have died yet, so it doesn't seem to be a "strength in numbers" tactic.  So far, I remember that they're part of the Good Guy Crew when they say something goofy or poke fun at Bilbo.

Speaking of Bilbo, I totally have the mental imagery of a little baby pig whenever he speaks.  Hairy, slow, questionably useful -- Babe the Pig.  Bilbo is going to be this character, isn't he?  He's going to save the sheep somehow?

I also cannot keep up with the similar-sounding creature names.  Trolls.  AND.  Goblins. How can I tell them apart?  Dwarves AND elves?  Same problem.  Gimme some sugar, Tolkien, I'm an imaginative reader.  And Gollum?  What the hell is that thing?  A goblin-troll-elf?  Or just a slightly smaller goblin who has a problem swallowing and talking like a normal goblin? 

I need a character box-line diagram, stat.

Comments

[Josh Boelter]

i think tolkien was a linguist and historian, and his favorite thing was to make up languages, words, names, etc. so much of the middle earth stories are his excuse to write poetry in elvish or whatever. i think he added more and more characters just to put in more cool-sounding names that he came up with.

[Jay Allen]

Come on Andy, everyone knows the gelatinous cube is little more than a big pile of quivering jelly with a little nervous energy and bad navigational skills. Now a Beholder, on the other hand...

[Jay Allen]

Oh, right, the reason I started to comment. Natalie, one word: Spreadsheet.

[Jay Allen]

http://www.cracked.com/article_17455_p2.html

#14. The Gelatinous Cube

What is it?

The Gelatinous Cube is an enormous block of ooze that roams through the perfectly square hallways of D&D, devouring anyone foolish enough to walk directly into it.

Where it Went Wrong:

Unless an encounter plays out exactly like the steamroller scene in Austin Powers, we fail to see how the Gelatinous Cube ever kills anybody who's not either glued to the floor or fast asleep. In fact, we're pretty sure the Dungeon Master's Guide reads: The first player to ask "Can't I just get out of the way?" automatically defeats the Gelatinous Cube.